on Apr 17th, 2006
Thievery: Styrofoam
Greg Storey of Airbag, in an effort to lose weight, has enrolled in a “food-management program.” His words:
…The idea of eating out of a box was akin to taking a month’s vacation to Gary, Indiana but it’s working so I can’t really complain. It also helps that they conditioned me so I can not say the word potato without having bad flashbacks, loosing bladder control, and yelling “It puts the potato in the bucket” over and over again until the wife utters the safety word.
To help limit the caloric intake, the program provided weekly phone calls to encourage, um, good behavior.
Last weeks call has been the best so far. “How many calories are there in cocaine,” I asked, “because I keep telling my wife that she needs to cut down on Jello servings for every hit she takes, but she says un-uh.” This was followed by, quite possibly, the longest intentional pause in telephony history.
I wish, oh how I wish, I had written this myself.
At some point we’ve all craved ice cream. And at some point we’ve all had someone tell us that we weren’t really craving ice cream -we really wanted a glass of water.