on Nov 7th, 2005
Guy Who Reads National Weather Service Bulletins
Anyone who has talked with me in the past few weeks/months knows that I am suffering a crisis of identity pertaining to that horrid, little, diminutive life question we all hear beginning in grade school: “What are you going to do with your life?”
While pondering this question one day in the car, the song I was semi-listening to was abruptly and rudely interrupted by some guy telling me it was raining. Anywhere else this would not be news, I know. But I live in the desert, so any rain warrants the National Weather Service interrupting life to tell you of some flood watch or warning or whatnot.
Anyway, the warning comes on and it sounds like every radio and television test of the infamous “emergency broadcast system” since 1963; some guy with a tin can and a shoelace telling me something that I can’t possibly care about because he has the nerve to interrupt my show/song/whatever.
At this point, it dawns on me to ask a question: how’d he get that job? Seriously, what are the requirements and specifications for that post? It can’t be much. I doubt he creates the warning or watch; real people with real jobs probably do this. He must be a mindless grunt who, from time to time, is handed a paper to read.
I figure it must be like this: Important Guy (read: rich) gets some high-end job in government. He is there for years and years, long enough to have a family, son, etc.
Son grows up enjoying the perks of daddy’s money; in other words, he’s a total and complete waste of human flesh. He wrecks a few cars, barely passes high-school, has a few illegitimate children, and so on. Son is an embarrassment to Important Guy, so Important Guy calls in a few favors to get son a nice, safe, steady job in government. Since son has no skills (except for the making of wrecks and illegitimate children), Guy Who Reads National Weather Service Bulletins is born.
Pretty mindless. But there have to be some perks. First, it’s a government gig. As I’ve been looking into career paths, there is something to be said for taking the government route. Heath benefits and ridiculous salaries come to mind. Oh, and access to those fifty dollar hammers.
Additionally, this Guy Who Reads National Weather Service Bulletins has some power. He must have a little button on his desk (I can see the desk now: piles of burger wrappers, empty soda cups, and the occasional errant french fry taking up residence on all available surfaces) that he gets to push when it’s time to read the bulletins. Said button allows the immediate interruption of all radio and TV broadcasts. I’m sure the button must be red. Can you image a button that wields that much power not being red?
I guess I need to reform my original question: how do I get that job?
