on Oct 5th, 2004
New-Aged Masochists
Darkness All Around
I infiltrated a group of new-aged masochists. It was surprisingly simple to get the invite; the invite, it turns out, is the easy part. All one has to do is to actually infiltrate is awake at some unheard-of hour of the day (is it really day?) and follow these freaks as they run around a very, very nice neighborhood. These insidious people make nice chitchat about the weather, headlamps, their chosen profession, and the Superbowl of Masochism –the Marathon.
It’s 5:30 a.m. I’ve forgotten what this time of day looks like. I believe I forgot on purpose.
Here’s what I learns about this clandestine group:
- They enjoying breaking newbies
- There’s a perfectly good 2 mile loop, but they foolishly choose to take the 4 mile loop instead
- They train all year to run 26.2 miles in one morning and can still hardly move the next day (I find this particularly ironic/funny)
- Walking is severely poo-pooed
Good morning chafing
Why have I chosen to label this particular group of people “new-aged masochists”? The nineties are over. Flannel shirts and torn jeans have gone the way of the Pet Rock and Hypercolor shirt. This group of dedicated weirdos has traded the whips, chains, and mosh pits of yesterday for soft and supple running shoes, ultra short shorts, and the occasional tub of Vaseline. The result is the same, though –they love the pain. They revel in the sweat and the torture. And like Uncle Sam, they want YOU to suffer with them. Like women heading off to the bathroom, these people like to suffer in groups.
To you, my friends who are an abomination to us couch-sitters, I point a long and crooked finger in your general direction and shout loudly, “I will not join your ranks! I will not engage in such so-called healthy behavior. And I will certainly enjoy the extra sleep that you nutjobs are missing.”
I had to giggle ALOT at this post. testMonkey makes it sound as if he never awakened in the pre-dawn hours to exert himself on a varied course of hills and valleys. One would remind him that at least it is warm in Utah and you don’t have to worry about black ice, regular ice, snowdrifts, unshoveled walks, blizzard-like conditions, gale-force winds, angry dogs, skunks, the occasional raccoon, or horny housewives on this “route.” AHHHH… Those were the good old days.
Good luck with the “exercise” and the mocking. Couches are good. Couches are our friends. Pass the potato chips and don’t hold back on the chocolate.
holy well written article batman. I write, not to sound good, but to write. All of your articles that i have read are really thought provoking and provokative… ok the ones that i read in playboy are… ok…. none of them are.
just kidding. you’re a good writer. you should beat up kate and take her spot as ‘feature reporter’
Who it is? Who it is?!? Anonymous’ out there, identify yourself!
Anonymous’ unite! Hide behind the facade of anonymity and mock the monkeyboy to your eveeeel hearts content. MOCK! MOCK I SAY!
Muhahahahahahaha
Too much you complain about the joy of heath. You to some day will look down and NOT see your shoes. Better you run now than be pushed around in a wheel chair. The things you see in the early morning are worth talking about, as the ones at night are forgotten by the time you close your eyes to sleep.
Dad, is that you?
You have a awesome blog!
I’ve got a Adult Sex Toys site. It’s about Adult Sex Toys related info.
Come see when you can..